Every parent out there today likes to draw an imaginary halo above their child’s heads. They like to think that their kid specifically is a little angel and would never do harm to anyone else, including themselves. Unfortunately this isn’t always the case and sometimes parents draw not from what they really see, but what they wish they did see. Let’s be honest, at some point or another your child is probably going to lie or cheat. We are only human after all! One of the jobs as a parent is to set up rules of values or a moral compass so to speak. Not only should you be setting this up, but you should enforce it as necessary every single day. When it comes to teaching your kids about morals, it’s about two different things: 1- what values are important to the family and 2- what the negative consequences are when they break those values. For example, if one of your values is to always be honest and then little Jon or little Jill lie about something like going to school or doing their homework, they would suffer a negative consequence such as no TV for X amount of time or not allowed to go over friends’ houses for X amount of time. Beyond just offering negative consequences, you should also be offering positive consequences for when they do something good – usually a thank you, pat on the back or some sort of vocal praise is good enough. According to Josephson’s Institute of Ethics there are in all Six Pillars of Character. They include:
Trustworthiness: Always be honest. Don’t like to people, don’t cheat and don’t steal.
Respect: Do unto others as others would have done unto you – treat others the way you would want to be treated.
Responsibility: Do whatever it is you are supposed to do; do your homework, chores, etc.
Fairness: Share with others, don’t take advantage of other people or kids just because you can! Be open minded to other people.
Caring: Be a good person, help others, be grateful, forgive others, etc.
Citizenship: Obey laws, help protect the world around you, don’t litter, make sure you vote, respect those with a higher authority, etc.
Even though values are an important aspect, enforcing them is very important. Without enforcing them and just letting kids do whatever they want without consequences, well, you can only imagine the damage this can do to a child as they grow into an adult. Make sure that:
– You teach your kids that their character counts. Make sure they know that it’s not what toys they have or what house they live in or who they are friends with that matters. What matters the most is their character – who they are, who they strive to be as a person. Happiness doesn’t depend on the biggest house or the most money it depends on who they are on the inside that really counts the most.
– Make sure that you enforce bad behavior, as well as good behavior. You need to be consistent and concise, especially when it comes to bad behavior. Every lie should bring the same consequence; every bad word the same consequences, etc. On the same hand if they do something good – make sure you praise them for that, whether it be with a special treat or a word of praise.
– Make sure that you are uncompromising and clear about the values above – don’t be casual about the fact that lying is okay sometimes or stealing is okay sometimes. Make sure it’s never a neutral tone. It’s either good or bad, not both depending on the situation.
– Be a mirror for your kids. No matter how old they are – 1 year to 100 years old, kids will always mirror us and how we act; things we do, how we treat others, etc. Chances are if you are a good parent, a good person, they will be too. Even the smallest thing you do in front of them in terms of “bad” things like lying about their age so they can order off the children’s menu might seem insignificant, but you are essentially showing them that by lying, you can get what you want. Whatever you preach, you should follow as a parent.
None of this character building will happen overnight of course. This is something that takes some time and is not always the easy road to take. Also, if you think this is something that is only taught at home, you are sorely mistaken. Building character can also be tackled by a top special education teacher as well.
Shari Duddy - How to Be A Teacher 